It’s hard to impress the know-it-alls

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Have you ever noticed that no matter what you say about any subject, the person you’re talking to knows everything about it plus everything you were going to say? In other words, everyone has become a know-it-all. It becomes exhausting to have a conversation because you have to dig down deep into your intellectual files to be able to say something that someone will acknowledge by saying: ‘‘Isn’t that interesting!’’ It used to be so simple. Well-meaning relatives would give you advice about the baby formula you were using or pass on advice about how holding the baby too much would make her want to be held all the time. Parents used dinners as forums for discussing table manners.-’’

Grandparents gave guidance on frugality and simplicity. You always listened quietly and respectfully, even if you had heard it a thousand times. You just rolled your eyes, but you never let on that you had heard it before.

How far we’ve come. If you discuss formula or holding Junior, the talk must include perspectives on the latest, greatest psychological theories on child rearing. No relative stands a chance in the presence of parents who have studied every angle of parenting, even the writings of ancient scholars. Conversations about manners at the dinner table have been replaced by discussions on how to be successful in the classroom and on the field. Most kids today are in some activity, and that precludes being aware of your jaw hanging open and filled with food while you eat. Frugality and simplicity have been replaced by a plethora of books on how to manage your finances, or how to empty your closets of stuff you didn’t need anyway.

Most fascinating are the people who go on radio or TV and talk as if they know more about a subject than the so-called experts who have spent a lifetime studying it. Movie and rock stars have become experts in child rearing, depression, substance abuse and parenting. They spew forth mundane concepts that make the host act as if he had just witnessed a miracle, and add the usual: ‘‘I know, I know.’’

Sometimes I want to scream at the TV like a maniac. ‘‘If you know so much, why have anyone on as a guest? Just ask yourself questions and answer them.’’

It’s great to be informed, but most of what we get today are sound bites of information. It might behoove all of us to listen more. We might even want to say something like, ‘‘Tell me more, I’d really like to explore this topic...’’ It could end up making our conversations richer and more meaningful instead of a boxing match for know-it-alls.

Author, humorist, PBS star and Fortune 500 trainer Loretta LaRoche lives in Plymouth. To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth 02360, send e-mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , visit the Web site at www.stressed.com, or call toll-free 800-99-TADAH (82324).

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Cheryl Zuccola said:

Hi Loretta, I happened upon your site through aols news. I feel the same as you do about living your life as if it is the last day. It could be. I am 46 years old, raised three children as a single parent and now have twin granddaughters. Believe me my life has not always been happy happy joy joy. But I have managed to get through with the attitude of being grateful for today and for all my blessings.

I am writing because my oldest son has been dating his girlfriend for two years. I have only been involved with her on a few occasions. Long story. The problem we always have when together is, she assumes she knows me and my life experiences. She never has anything positive to talk about. Our conversations go into a debate about everything. There have been occasions when she feels she has the right to give her advice or comments about things going on in my family situations. I have warned her that she should mind her own P's & Q's. That although she might mean well, she is actually causing more harm in our relationship. I have bit my tongue so many times because of my son. I really dread knowing my son may marry this girl. It is not only me. So many others who have met her say the same about her personality. Even my son has talked to me about the way she behaves. He has lost so many friends. Shame on him too for putting up with her. I am not a meddeling parent. My son use to date a girl who I adored. I have told my sons girlfriend that she really needs a wake up call and start to live life and be happy. I know you cant change the spots on a leapord. I believe my son does not visit because of the many conflicts between us. This makes me sad. My sons personality has been taken from him. He is not himself. He has told me that he questions if he loves her. Her parents adore him and he is in a band with the girls brother. He told me that he feels trapped. And then I hear he is thinking of moving in with her?????? MY attitude on life is so optimistic and hers is so dreary. Always an answer for everything. Please any advice?

Thank you,
Cheryl Z.

January 01, 2007

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Cheryl Zuccola said:

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