• Negativity & temper passed on
• Posted: 2009-08-02 21:59:16 By mayka
• Fiance: His parents used to yell, his sister yells, he yells. They're Italians, they yell to be heard, they yell to express their emotions, they yell without realizing they yell.
  
  Myself: My family yells, they yell to control the other person, to get a point across, to express frustruations, to make the other person back off, to push someone away.
  
  I have analyzed this a little bit. We came together, a week before we are getting married and well, we yell now under stress and pressure for no real reasons, anything sets both of us off and than things change, he releases and feels better, I feel beat up and distant.
  
  What do we do? We know better, we speak about behaving better, how this will destroy us, how we feel after, how it's not working, how it's not good, where it came from but in the end it seems as though fixing it takes more than we can master in the heat of the moment.
  
  What's worse is that I have trust issues, every time we yell and fight it makes me feel distant for a longer time, less trusting, than he comes around and wants to be loving and I push him away, I want to break this cycle before it really ruins our love.
  
  We do love each other, we care about each other, he's very affectionate, carrying, generous just seems not to be able to control his emotions or outbursts, none of this would ever go physical but let me tell you, when he yells, I am the one that just want to slap his face to make him stop...to make him stop I yell lauder, go off faster, and if he stood right in front of me I swear I feel like I will just slap his face to wake him one day and make him notice he's screaming.
  
  OBVIOUSLY this is not healthy, and obviously we know and are well aware that if we don't correct ourselves we will pass this on to kids like it was passed on to us. I'm tired of us barking, and so is he when the heat is over. HELP....what do we do?
  
  Mayka

• Negativity & temper passed on
• Posted: 2009-08-26 10:16:29 By Loretta LaRoche
• Dear Mayka-I feel you both have exhausted your own resources to handle this problem. My suggestion is to find someone that does workshops in anger management and go together…Anger is often a cover up for deeper issues like unresolved hurts and injustices from the past..Depression can also be a factor..I wish you the best. We should all spend as much time enjoying life, and using our life energy for negative purposes is a waste of time…Please let me know how you’re doing..Loretta

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